It really isn't about the degree... but having a specialization in music composition does make me wonder why I spend my days cutting off carrot tops and picking tomatoes. Although many of my farming days were spent thinking and re-thinking the possibility of a career change, today I finally felt at peace. I had looked up from what I was doing, took a deep breath, looked across the most beautiful sky and all of the trees changing colours, and the realization of why I took this job in the first place hit me. I was immediately grateful.
When I decided to go work on a farm for half the year, there was very little work available in the city. I also wanted a job where I would stay active, be outside more than in and be learning (I love to learn new things) in a place where I could think. This was a harder balance to achieve than I thought. Half of the week was long days spent out in the field and the other half was spent making music and trying to make some money. Remember how I said I wanted a place to think? I was thinking alright. Trouble is, I was mostly thinking about three things: (1) why I was willingly helping an ungrateful, passive-aggressive person, (2) why I was doing something I knew absolutely nothing about after finishing an honours degree and (3) when I would be going home. If you notice, these are all negative things. Pretty soon I was a horrible person to be around.
Some people don't like being alone because their mind doesn't stop racing. Maybe what they begin to think about scares them- they'd rather keep on going with their busy life and not take the time to really relax in thought.I knew when I started thinking that there were things I needed to sort out in my life. I am still very grateful to have had the chance to push myself physically, mentally and emotionally. It took me 5 months, a bit of therapy, a few drunk nights, some teary eyed end-of-days and a lot of perseverance (you knew this wouldn't be easy- suck it up!), but I think I finally have it down. Yay!
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